Well, I survived. All in all I'd say it was a really great weekend. There's so much that I've learned and grown from this weekend that I'm not really sure where to begin. I wasn't really sure what to expect, but it definitely wasn't what I was used to. I come from a camping/retreat background that's very laid-back, chill out with the kids, and have fun, but Laurelville was a very high energy, going all the time, have fun with the kids experience. As soon as we pulled up, the program staff bombarded our van in costumes and started getting the kids pumped up and passed out candy. Thankfully the entire weekend wasn't steeped with that kind of energy because I'm not so sure I would've made it.
We dropped off the girls and then the guys headed out to find our rooms. It turned out that we had two rooms for 7 kids and two adults. Mike and I both staked out our rooms and let the kids come to us. At first I was really nervous/disappointed because the kids that I actually knew well and talked to all bee-lined straight for Mike's room. It's not that I was jealous, but it just made me nervous because it meant I would have to spend the weekend getting to know new kids. I guess I wanted to be pushed, right? Added on top of this was the fact that the rooms ended up being pretty racially segregated and I ended up with three black kids. Again, noticing this is not coming from a racist standpoint, but from a fact-of-life standpoint. Sure, that's going to make me nervous because I'm not sure how well I am going to be able to relate to these kids.
It turns out, though, that my fears were pretty unfounded. I actually have come to realize that Mike and I really balance each other out. He is the kind of person who is all about getting down and wrestling with the kids and getting them pumped about everything. I am the kind of person who tries to get to know the kids by talking to them and just hanging out. The guys in my room were pretty skeptical of the guys in the other room constantly jumping all over the place and wrestling and throwing the football around. At one point I tried to get my guys to go over and hang out with the other guys because it seemed like they were having all the fun, and they said to me "We're more mature than they are." So, my room was the chill room while Mike had the rough-play room. But then again I'm writing this and thinking that maybe I should have done more to make sure my guys had a good time. Maybe deep down they would have rather been more like the other room and they were really just being a reflection of me and my personality. It goes back to the principle of whether you are going to let yourself be a thermometer or a thermostat. Am I going to set the mood of the room, or just react to it. In the end, I think that like I said we had a good balance. If my guys wanted to go and wrestle around with the other guys they did, and at one point some of Mike's guys came and talked to me about some more serious stuff. And I did get to help Mike take on all 7 guys which was pretty sweet. But then again what happens at Laurelville stays at Laurelville.
The next day was the mud and the football. I tried to tell Mike and the guys that I had absolutely no football skills, but they didn't realize that I was being serious until I tried to catch a pass and it just hit me in the chest and bounced away. But, I played anyway. The counselors had a devotion one morning about trying to make sure the kids have an adventure rather than just a trip. Having an adventure at Laurelville meant getting muddy and playing football, and I was totally prepared to step out of my comfort zone to make sure that happened. When they did finally realize how bad I was, they gave me a quick tutorial on tackling and told me I was restricted to defense. I made one pretty good tackle (always fun to take down middle school kids into the mud) and we ended up winning the championship. I'm pretty excited that I will have a piece of that youth group history for forever.
I think I realized a lot about myself this past weekend even though I was there for the kids. Through coming to understand the balance that Mike and I had throughout the "adventure" my eyes were opened to the fact that I simply can't do it all by myself. I think that sometimes I try to use my introverted-ness as an excuse to shut other people out. But I need other people, even if they bug me sometimes. Even when they leave their dirty dishes in the sink, play music until late at night and early in the morning, leave their dirty clothes around the room, make snide comments, constantly ask me for things, or just are always there. I need these people because they have something that I don't. They have gifts that I will never have. But at the same time, I think I realize that other people need me. I have gifts that no one else has.
Another thing I realizes this past weekend was just that I need to be more willing to ask the hard questions of people. After each time the speaker spoke we would go back to the room and have cabin time to talk about what he said. Mike led most of the discussion and I was just simply amazed at his ability to ask these kids the tough questions. I think so often our culture shys away from these taboo questions because they're not polite. The kids didn't seem affronted, though. They were actually really into trying to answer them and learning more about what Mike had to offer as answers. It was truly amazing to watch. I also realized that there are kids out there who just don't know the stories. It was great to hear how they responded to hearing the speaker tell the Bible stories that I am so familiar with and they are hearing for the first time. That just reinforces something that I had been trying to wrestle with earlier. I am in charge of next month's youth group devotional time and I really felt it on my heart just to tell the old familiar Bible stories in a new light. I was skeptical of how it would be received or what the kids might think, but now I feel like this is the direction I need to take. What that exactly will look like I'm not sure yet, but I am sure that God will continue to guide me if I allow Him to.
The best moment of this weekend, though, was when one of the kids was walking beside me after the twenty minutes of prayer time that the program offered as a sort of "altar call" time and he looked up at me and said "I think tonight was the first time I'm actually a Christian." What a beautiful moment. We talked a little about what this meant, but we were cut short. I want to make sure I catch up with him this week sometime and continue to answer any questions or talk about any fears he might have. What a beautiful moment. What an amazing God we have.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Friday, October 26, 2007
Are you ready for Mud?
So it's been quite awhile since I've updated and I've heard plenty of nagging about it from all sorts of ends. Nothing really new and exciting since last post, but I am pretty excited about this weekend. I'm chaperoning the Middle School weekend retreat up at Laurelville. This is my first real opportunity to connect with some of the kids and spend some good quality time getting to know them. Oh, and I get to tackle them into the mud if they get too much for me (who am I kidding? I'll probably spend more time on the ground than anyone else). My supervisor tried to tell me at one point that since there are so few kids going this year that he could see sending just me in his place. I told him that wasn't going to happen. At least not this time. He said he might let me do that with the High School retreat in a few weeks and he will be a head counselor. I guess we'll just see how this weekend goes.
The other thing that is pretty exciting is the fact that Mike is letting me do the devotions for the month of November at Youth Group. I'm pretty nervous just because I'm not sure what has been done in the past or generally how that part of Youth Group works. So far I've always been out leading the game while that is going on. Right now I'm leaning toward doing a series of Biblical Leadership by looking at some of the Old Testament stories and seeing what we can learn from people like Moses, Jonah, Nehemiah, and so on. Mike said he wants me to incorporate some kind of media just so it's not me talking for thirty minutes. I think I could find relevant movie clips to go along with each stories lesson. On top of that, he also said it would be good to get some of the older kids involved, which is something that really excites me just because I know the deepest experiences I've had were when I was leading my peers. I haven't completely worked it out in my head, but I have two weeks to get something concrete.
On a related note, next Wednesday is Halloween and in an attempt to bribe kids to actually come to Youth Group we are having a Guitar Hero III tournament, all the candy you can eat, probably pizza, and anything else to get kids to come. I'm thinking it should be a good internship next Wednesday.
Well, kids are starting to show up. Bring on the mud!
The other thing that is pretty exciting is the fact that Mike is letting me do the devotions for the month of November at Youth Group. I'm pretty nervous just because I'm not sure what has been done in the past or generally how that part of Youth Group works. So far I've always been out leading the game while that is going on. Right now I'm leaning toward doing a series of Biblical Leadership by looking at some of the Old Testament stories and seeing what we can learn from people like Moses, Jonah, Nehemiah, and so on. Mike said he wants me to incorporate some kind of media just so it's not me talking for thirty minutes. I think I could find relevant movie clips to go along with each stories lesson. On top of that, he also said it would be good to get some of the older kids involved, which is something that really excites me just because I know the deepest experiences I've had were when I was leading my peers. I haven't completely worked it out in my head, but I have two weeks to get something concrete.
On a related note, next Wednesday is Halloween and in an attempt to bribe kids to actually come to Youth Group we are having a Guitar Hero III tournament, all the candy you can eat, probably pizza, and anything else to get kids to come. I'm thinking it should be a good internship next Wednesday.
Well, kids are starting to show up. Bring on the mud!
Friday, October 12, 2007
A little time to relax
I'm sure everyone has been on the edges of their seats since my last post was over a week ago. A lot has happened, and I could say that I didn't have any time to write, but that just wouldn't be true. It was almost like there was too much to update that every time I thought about writing it just seemed like a daunting task. I'll try to catch everyone up:
I'll start out with my "traumatic" experience. Last Friday the youth group was serving the men's shelter dinner and I "worked" all day (to be fair Mike and I just hung out and killed time all day until the kids got there) so it was already a really long day. Everything was going really well at the shelter. We tried to encourage the kids to go talk with the men, but I think I was the only person who actually went and sat down with them. I was lucky, though, because I sat down with a gentleman who really wanted to talk. Thinking back he seems like the stereotypical conspiracy theory the-world-is-out-to-get-me sort of guy, but when I think about our conversation he did make some really good points. He talked some about his time in prison (he robbed a bank...twice...except he referred to it as acquiring loans without the proper paperwork) and it really correlated with a book we were reading for class about the inhumanity of the prison system. That part of the evening went well. Then when the group was leaving the shelter, I was walking toward the back of the group. I hear one of the guys that were in eating with us asking one of the youth group girls to come help him unlock his car door because he had locked his keys in and left the window open a crack. Even though I recognized this man as someone who seemed to be in charge of the shelter in some position, my immediate reaction was that this was a bad situation and I needed to make sure I protected the girl. I told the girl and the man that we really needed to keep going and that I was sorry and good luck with his car but we really had to keep moving. I felt good about the decision after we got out of there. When we got back to the church, though, I was going to get in my car and up pulls the car the man was trying to get in to and out he steps. He starts walking toward me and I just knew it wasn't going to be good. Thankfully my supervisor hadn't left the lot yet and made sure I was ok from his car before leaving. The man wasn't out to hurt me or anything, he just wanted to talk to me. To me, it felt like he was just trying to make me feel guilty by making the whole issue into a racial thing (he was black) and saying how unChristian my action had been. I tried to explain to him my perspective, and I stayed cool the entire time I talked with him, but I eventually just had to say that I was sorry he felt that way and leave. Honestly, the entire ordeal tore me up inside simply because it brought me face to face with any racism I might hold inside myself. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I acted in any way that I would deem racist, but it forced me to check myself to make sure. And that's hard. I thought, what if the girl wasn't really uncomfortable with the situation and I was just projecting my discomfort onto her? If the man had been white, would I have taken the same action? Like I said, he forced me to look at myself, but I still feel good about what I did. I talked to Mike about it today, and he agreed with me and we had some good dialogue about situations like that and how sometimes you just become helpless but you just have to make sure your motives are clear and do the best you know how.
Now I'll move on to the good. The first Student Leadership Team meeting was last Sunday and it went pretty well. I was really impressed by the kids and the initiative they showed. I didn't really do anything at the meeting, but afterwards the kids reminded Mike that he promised them lunch, but he had things to do so he asked me if I would take them out. I jumped at the chance (without seeming too eager). I've never really gotten a good chance to spend any good quality time with the youth yet and I just knew this would be a great opportunity. It was. We went to a Chinese Buffet and we had some great conversation. They taught me a bunch of new street lingo, which gang signs to flash in which neighborhoods (though I think they were trying to get me killed at one point), and they even tried to teach me some dance that all the kids are doing now. I think I am definitely starting to understand my own style of leadership through this experience. I look at a lot of youth workers who are practically kids themselves and are always getting down and dirty with their kids. I'm not that person. I have this growing understanding that I am a one-on-one person who's strength lies more in getting to know people on deeper levels. It's tempting to look at these other youth leaders and think that they are who I am supposed to be, but I know it takes all kinds. We all have something to offer, some hope, some light wrapped up inside of us that no one else has. I know God can use me.
Other than that, the week has been pretty much the same. I led the games at youth group again. I tried to do a team-building game that completely died on me. It's all a learning experience. I was able to salvage what kids I had left with another game. I went out to have a one-on-one meeting with Mike today over breakfast. We talked about my goals for the internship and about his model of ministry he learned at an Urban Youth Worker training. At first I got the impression when I kept hearing him talk about this training that it was one of those cheesy faith seminars that promise you a better life, healthier kids, and whiter teeth. The more he explained it, though, it really seems like a solid model for setting life goals and learning to use your resources, time, and talents. I'm sure I'll hear more about it as the year goes on. The music festival is tomorrow and I'm pretty excited about it because I finally feel like I'm starting to make contributions to the praise team. And they're all good people.
The coffee shop is getting ready to start closing down, so I better go. Hopefully it won't be too long before my next post.
peace
I'll start out with my "traumatic" experience. Last Friday the youth group was serving the men's shelter dinner and I "worked" all day (to be fair Mike and I just hung out and killed time all day until the kids got there) so it was already a really long day. Everything was going really well at the shelter. We tried to encourage the kids to go talk with the men, but I think I was the only person who actually went and sat down with them. I was lucky, though, because I sat down with a gentleman who really wanted to talk. Thinking back he seems like the stereotypical conspiracy theory the-world-is-out-to-get-me sort of guy, but when I think about our conversation he did make some really good points. He talked some about his time in prison (he robbed a bank...twice...except he referred to it as acquiring loans without the proper paperwork) and it really correlated with a book we were reading for class about the inhumanity of the prison system. That part of the evening went well. Then when the group was leaving the shelter, I was walking toward the back of the group. I hear one of the guys that were in eating with us asking one of the youth group girls to come help him unlock his car door because he had locked his keys in and left the window open a crack. Even though I recognized this man as someone who seemed to be in charge of the shelter in some position, my immediate reaction was that this was a bad situation and I needed to make sure I protected the girl. I told the girl and the man that we really needed to keep going and that I was sorry and good luck with his car but we really had to keep moving. I felt good about the decision after we got out of there. When we got back to the church, though, I was going to get in my car and up pulls the car the man was trying to get in to and out he steps. He starts walking toward me and I just knew it wasn't going to be good. Thankfully my supervisor hadn't left the lot yet and made sure I was ok from his car before leaving. The man wasn't out to hurt me or anything, he just wanted to talk to me. To me, it felt like he was just trying to make me feel guilty by making the whole issue into a racial thing (he was black) and saying how unChristian my action had been. I tried to explain to him my perspective, and I stayed cool the entire time I talked with him, but I eventually just had to say that I was sorry he felt that way and leave. Honestly, the entire ordeal tore me up inside simply because it brought me face to face with any racism I might hold inside myself. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I acted in any way that I would deem racist, but it forced me to check myself to make sure. And that's hard. I thought, what if the girl wasn't really uncomfortable with the situation and I was just projecting my discomfort onto her? If the man had been white, would I have taken the same action? Like I said, he forced me to look at myself, but I still feel good about what I did. I talked to Mike about it today, and he agreed with me and we had some good dialogue about situations like that and how sometimes you just become helpless but you just have to make sure your motives are clear and do the best you know how.
Now I'll move on to the good. The first Student Leadership Team meeting was last Sunday and it went pretty well. I was really impressed by the kids and the initiative they showed. I didn't really do anything at the meeting, but afterwards the kids reminded Mike that he promised them lunch, but he had things to do so he asked me if I would take them out. I jumped at the chance (without seeming too eager). I've never really gotten a good chance to spend any good quality time with the youth yet and I just knew this would be a great opportunity. It was. We went to a Chinese Buffet and we had some great conversation. They taught me a bunch of new street lingo, which gang signs to flash in which neighborhoods (though I think they were trying to get me killed at one point), and they even tried to teach me some dance that all the kids are doing now. I think I am definitely starting to understand my own style of leadership through this experience. I look at a lot of youth workers who are practically kids themselves and are always getting down and dirty with their kids. I'm not that person. I have this growing understanding that I am a one-on-one person who's strength lies more in getting to know people on deeper levels. It's tempting to look at these other youth leaders and think that they are who I am supposed to be, but I know it takes all kinds. We all have something to offer, some hope, some light wrapped up inside of us that no one else has. I know God can use me.
Other than that, the week has been pretty much the same. I led the games at youth group again. I tried to do a team-building game that completely died on me. It's all a learning experience. I was able to salvage what kids I had left with another game. I went out to have a one-on-one meeting with Mike today over breakfast. We talked about my goals for the internship and about his model of ministry he learned at an Urban Youth Worker training. At first I got the impression when I kept hearing him talk about this training that it was one of those cheesy faith seminars that promise you a better life, healthier kids, and whiter teeth. The more he explained it, though, it really seems like a solid model for setting life goals and learning to use your resources, time, and talents. I'm sure I'll hear more about it as the year goes on. The music festival is tomorrow and I'm pretty excited about it because I finally feel like I'm starting to make contributions to the praise team. And they're all good people.
The coffee shop is getting ready to start closing down, so I better go. Hopefully it won't be too long before my next post.
peace
Monday, October 1, 2007
Root Beer Keg Party
So, this past weekend was the root beer keg party at Bluffton. Last year was such a rocking good time that I just knew I had to attend this year as well. It was quite a drive and I was only able to make a brief appearance for this one picture, but it was worth it. Some people, including the people in the picture may try to tell you that they didn't see me there, but surely this picture is proof enough. How could I live with myself if I had missed one of my favorite Bluffton events of the year.
peace,
mark
peace,
mark
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