Listening

Last night was the "secret" Sunday Night Worship service I couldn't write about before. The big secret was actually that we were having a silent worship service. I had considered advertising it as such so that people could get into the right mindset, but then I decided that there was also merit to surprising people into a time of silence. The idea for the service partly sprung from the fact that I was starting to feel like I was making music the point of the worship rather than a means through which we worship God. I was so stressed about sounding good that I forgot to let God work through me. So, instead we were silent.

Don't get the wrong idea though. We didn't just sit in silence for an hour without anything happening. There was a powerpoint that led people through with questions and prompts to do things or think about things. I think one of the most powerful things we did was "sing" a few songs with our hearts rather than our voices. During the opening song, the worship band went forward and tore down the stage instead of playing leaving only the cross on stage in the end. I think it was a powerful symbol both for me as a worship leader and everyone else as worshippers.

In the end I was very pleased with the way things turned out. At one point I started to stress out again about things not going right, but then I realized that I was supposed to be meditating to the words of Psalm 62 which partly read "trust in the Lord". I just decided to let God take over instead of worrying about all the details. A lot of people have told me that they were very touched by the service.

Praise God.

Psalm 62
Truly my soul waiteth upon God: from him cometh my salvation.
He only is my rock and my salvation; he is my defence; I shall not be greatly moved.
How long will ye imagine mischief against a man? ye shall be slain all of you: as a bowing wall shall ye be, and as a tottering fence.
They only consult to cast him down from his excellency: they delight in lies: they bless with their mouth, but they curse inwardly. Selah.
My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him.
He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence; I shall not be moved.
In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God.
Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us.

The Symphony of 1000

A lot has happened since last post. Sunday Night Worship is up and running. We've had two already and the third is tomorrow. I think we all decided that the first two were good places to start, but we really hope to keep building from here. The original vision for the "new" SNW was to be more diverse in worship style and try to get out of the routine that it seemed like worship services on campus had fallen into. The last two really didn't break any new ground, but we are going to try to start that with tomorrow's service. I would tell you what we have planned, but it's somewhat of a secret at this point.

In other news, this weekend the choir I'm a part of is singing with other choirs and the Toledo Symphony at the Peristyle in the Toledo Art Museum. We are doing Mahler's 2nd Symphony which they say is sometimes called the Symphony of 1000 because it takes so many people to pull it off. The choir has 201 singers and the orchestra is somewhere between 100 and 150. So it's not quite 1000, but we do make a pretty awesome sound. The only rought part is that the choir only sings in the 5th (and last) movement for about 15 minutes so we have to sit there on stage during the first 4 movements which last around an hour and fifteen minutes. To make matters worse, I can't really breathe out of either of my nostrils and they only barely managed to cram 201 singers on stage so we are all shoulder to shoulder, knee to back. It is a rough at first, but once we start to sing it really makes it worth it. The piece is about Mahler's conversion from Judaism to Catholicism and the turmoil he had to wrestle with to make that switch. It has some truly deep and amazing moments like when the entire choir is practically screaming the words "This must be true" and "before I live, I have to die" (all in German, of course). I would have to say that despite my cold and having to sit still for over an hour this is definitely one of the cooler things I've done in my life.

Well, I've got the first part of my Saturday free and I have to finish stuff up for tomorrow night's service. I told the band that I would cook them something before we rehearse so we could eat together, but I forgot how much of a paint cooking can be. I'm off to get done what I can before tomorrow.

Are we there yet?

Well, week two of classes is officially over with, but I'm still not sure I'm to the point where I'm fully back in the swing of things yet. I got auditions for the Sunday Night Worship Band over with, and thinking back it was probably one of the hardest decisions I've had to make during my four years here at Bluffton. There were so many factors surrounding each candidate that it was hard to keep them all straight in my head and even after we made the final decisions, I still feel uneasy because every single person who auditioned would have been absolutely perfect. But now that it's over and it's been a few days it is interesting to see how the people we didn't choose to be in the core group are finding other opportunities to get involved on campus and use their gifts. Who knew ministry would be so hard sometimes? I can definitely see why Paul listed gentleness as one of the fruits of the Spirit. I tried so hard to make sure people understood that just because we were not picking them didn't mean that they weren't gifted people in hopes that they wouldn't take offense and think less of themselves.

In other news: We finally got the couch for our room. I'm really glad because the lawn chairs weren't really cutting it any more. It was also good to see my parents (and get treated to Arby's). And now our room finally feels home-y. In fact, two nights ago there were people just hanging out watching tv in our room until 2 for not good reason. I'm not one to usually stay up too late, but it was just nice to be with people and talk.

I got my "Application for Graduation" form in the mail the other day. Great. That is going to have to happen soon. These were some good years, but I'm ready for something new. At the Hall Chaplain retreat before classes started we did a devotion on Psalm 139 which is all about how we cannot flee from God's presence. The phrase that stuck out to me the most were verses 9-10 which read: "If I take the wings of the morning and settle at the farthest limits of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me fast." Meditating on this made me think of ships sailing off into the unknown with the sun at their back. There are so many new things to do, new things to see, new things to experience this year and beyond that I am on the edge of my seat with excitement. I'm ready to "take the wings of the morning" and see what the world has to offer, fully knowing that God will be my guide.

Back.

Well, I'm back now. I guess I've been back for awhile now and you could almost say that I'm already back in the swing of things. Almost, but not quite yet. I'm still trying to get a handle on where I'm supposed to be and when. It only gets slightly easier the more years I spend at Bluffton.

There are a lot of exciting things happening this year...at least in my life anyway. I am a Hall Chaplain as well as being a Sunday Night Worship co-coordinator in charge of the worship band. Both of these things are already really challenging me, but it's a good sort of stress. I remember two years ago having a conversation with a friend's mom when I was trying to figure out whether or not to change my major. She gave me some wisdom that I will pass on to all of you out there: When you find something that makes you unable to sleep unless you know that you are doing that thing well, then that is what you should spend your life doing. As awful as it sounds, I honestly think I would have been able to sleep fine had I become a music teacher and and not done that well. But I think that changing my major to Music Ministry has been one of the best decisions I've ever made even though it feels less certain. I feel most alive when I am pursuing ministry.

These posts never really seem to go where I plan them to, but just suffice to say that I'm really excited about this year and all the possibilities it contains. Not much has actually happened yet, but I will keep you posted. So check back soon; it should be a busy week.

"The place where God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet."
- Frederick Buechner