A little time to relax

I'm sure everyone has been on the edges of their seats since my last post was over a week ago. A lot has happened, and I could say that I didn't have any time to write, but that just wouldn't be true. It was almost like there was too much to update that every time I thought about writing it just seemed like a daunting task. I'll try to catch everyone up:

I'll start out with my "traumatic" experience. Last Friday the youth group was serving the men's shelter dinner and I "worked" all day (to be fair Mike and I just hung out and killed time all day until the kids got there) so it was already a really long day. Everything was going really well at the shelter. We tried to encourage the kids to go talk with the men, but I think I was the only person who actually went and sat down with them. I was lucky, though, because I sat down with a gentleman who really wanted to talk. Thinking back he seems like the stereotypical conspiracy theory the-world-is-out-to-get-me sort of guy, but when I think about our conversation he did make some really good points. He talked some about his time in prison (he robbed a bank...twice...except he referred to it as acquiring loans without the proper paperwork) and it really correlated with a book we were reading for class about the inhumanity of the prison system. That part of the evening went well. Then when the group was leaving the shelter, I was walking toward the back of the group. I hear one of the guys that were in eating with us asking one of the youth group girls to come help him unlock his car door because he had locked his keys in and left the window open a crack. Even though I recognized this man as someone who seemed to be in charge of the shelter in some position, my immediate reaction was that this was a bad situation and I needed to make sure I protected the girl. I told the girl and the man that we really needed to keep going and that I was sorry and good luck with his car but we really had to keep moving. I felt good about the decision after we got out of there. When we got back to the church, though, I was going to get in my car and up pulls the car the man was trying to get in to and out he steps. He starts walking toward me and I just knew it wasn't going to be good. Thankfully my supervisor hadn't left the lot yet and made sure I was ok from his car before leaving. The man wasn't out to hurt me or anything, he just wanted to talk to me. To me, it felt like he was just trying to make me feel guilty by making the whole issue into a racial thing (he was black) and saying how unChristian my action had been. I tried to explain to him my perspective, and I stayed cool the entire time I talked with him, but I eventually just had to say that I was sorry he felt that way and leave. Honestly, the entire ordeal tore me up inside simply because it brought me face to face with any racism I might hold inside myself. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I acted in any way that I would deem racist, but it forced me to check myself to make sure. And that's hard. I thought, what if the girl wasn't really uncomfortable with the situation and I was just projecting my discomfort onto her? If the man had been white, would I have taken the same action? Like I said, he forced me to look at myself, but I still feel good about what I did. I talked to Mike about it today, and he agreed with me and we had some good dialogue about situations like that and how sometimes you just become helpless but you just have to make sure your motives are clear and do the best you know how.

Now I'll move on to the good. The first Student Leadership Team meeting was last Sunday and it went pretty well. I was really impressed by the kids and the initiative they showed. I didn't really do anything at the meeting, but afterwards the kids reminded Mike that he promised them lunch, but he had things to do so he asked me if I would take them out. I jumped at the chance (without seeming too eager). I've never really gotten a good chance to spend any good quality time with the youth yet and I just knew this would be a great opportunity. It was. We went to a Chinese Buffet and we had some great conversation. They taught me a bunch of new street lingo, which gang signs to flash in which neighborhoods (though I think they were trying to get me killed at one point), and they even tried to teach me some dance that all the kids are doing now. I think I am definitely starting to understand my own style of leadership through this experience. I look at a lot of youth workers who are practically kids themselves and are always getting down and dirty with their kids. I'm not that person. I have this growing understanding that I am a one-on-one person who's strength lies more in getting to know people on deeper levels. It's tempting to look at these other youth leaders and think that they are who I am supposed to be, but I know it takes all kinds. We all have something to offer, some hope, some light wrapped up inside of us that no one else has. I know God can use me.

Other than that, the week has been pretty much the same. I led the games at youth group again. I tried to do a team-building game that completely died on me. It's all a learning experience. I was able to salvage what kids I had left with another game. I went out to have a one-on-one meeting with Mike today over breakfast. We talked about my goals for the internship and about his model of ministry he learned at an Urban Youth Worker training. At first I got the impression when I kept hearing him talk about this training that it was one of those cheesy faith seminars that promise you a better life, healthier kids, and whiter teeth. The more he explained it, though, it really seems like a solid model for setting life goals and learning to use your resources, time, and talents. I'm sure I'll hear more about it as the year goes on. The music festival is tomorrow and I'm pretty excited about it because I finally feel like I'm starting to make contributions to the praise team. And they're all good people.

The coffee shop is getting ready to start closing down, so I better go. Hopefully it won't be too long before my next post.

peace