Out of Office...

I opted to use my first week of Christmas break to serve with Habitat for Humanity down in Mississippi with a group from Bluffton.  We are collectively keeping a blog of our experience.  You can read it here until I return:  

http://bluffton2008soul.blogspot.com

Until then, have a blessed Christmas.

Learning to Hope

Happy Thanksgiving. This is the first time I've ever sat down at our home computer to write a blog. It's weird. The screen is so much bigger than my laptop. Being home has been great, but being on break has just been oppressive. I'm working on my fourth paper for the weekend and I still have one more due at the end of exam week that's 12 pages that I haven't even really started yet. I had this vision in my head of getting everything that I had to do for the rest of the semester done over break. I did pretty well, but I've still got that huge paper looming over my next two weeks.
Break was blah, but being at home was nice. This was the first time our entire family has been together in a long time (mostly because of me). I got to see all of my neices and nephew and two of them spent most of break at our house. After a while I started to realize why the game Hide and Seek was invented. I got so sick of hearing the words "come pway wif me" that I ended up hiding rather than have to sit and play cars for another hour. Added onto the constant need to play with him, being around my nephew was like playing a non-stop game of MadGab where I had to decode everything he said. I don't know how many times I just looked at him and said "I have no idea what you're talking about". Dont' get me wrong, I love my nephew and nieces, but it did make me realize that I'm glad having kids is nowhere in my immediate future.
Tonight I volunteered to go with my home church to a men's shelter in Toledo to help serve a meal. They also asked me if I would be willing to give a message beforehand. I made myself say yes even though I knew it would be hard and would force me to really think about what to say. I had a hard time trying to figure out what a person like me had to say to people like them when I have everything I could ever need and more and they are scraping to get by. I think I initially had a hard time with this because so much of what I've been conditioned to expect from the church is a set of morals. We go to church to hear about how God wants us to live, right?
While I think that God does make demands on our lives if we truly decide to follow Him, I think that our churches could do a better job of simply proclaiming the Good News. Yes, I can become a better person but that is only because of the work that Christ already accomplished. Now that I think about it more, I can't believe I had a hard time finding something to say to those people tonight. Jesus came to proclaim good news to the poor, to give sight to the blind, to set the captives free, and to let the oppressed go. So that's what I tried to convey tonight. The message was titled "The Bravest Thing We Have is Hope" and I tried to show what it truly meant to place hope in Jesus more than just on the surface. I thought it went well and afterwards one of the men there made the comment that it really sounded like I meant what I said from the heart. I told him that if it didn't, then I had failed. Part of me wanted to put up a transcript of the message, but that would be entirely too long. I will leave you with a nugget that I really feel like God used to speak through me to myself about how sometimes we we misuse our faith in Christ selfishly.

"Your hope means nothing until it means something for everyone."

Is your hope too small?

Committed...

So, if you were wondering, I fulfilled my committment. Last Saturday combined two things that I really don't like at all: football and snow, but my dedication to my friend superceded all that. The only thing that got me through was thinking about how great it would feel to get back inside, take a nice hot shower, and sleep for the rest of the day. Which I did and which was everything I thought it could be and more. (We lost the football game if you were wondering.)





We had SNW again yesterday. I always get exhausted afterwards and just want to go to bed, but I realized this week was going to be really busy. But now that I'm through my Monday, the rest of the week doesn't look so bad. I just have to get through my Greek test on Wednesday. It's just a lot of memorizing that I'm so tired of doing. I feel like I'm to the point in the semester where everytime I put something in my brain another thing falls out the other side.





I'm excited to go home for Thanksgiving. I haven't been home in a long time and I haven't seen a lot of my extended family in even longer. It really surprises me when I find out that there are other people who don't have really good relationships with their cousins and their aunts and uncles and such. My cousins were my first real friends and we still remain close. In the spirit of Thanksgiving I guess you could say that I am thankful for such a strong support system of family that I know cares about me.

Here's a picture of me and some of the fam'...ok, so I'm only actually related to about half of them, but they all feel like family.

What did I get myself into?

So the guy that lives across the hall from me kept trying to tell me that he didn't feel like I supported him enough in his football endeavors because I hardly ever go to the games. He said that I was being a bad Hall Chaplain by not being there for him in something that he loved. I of course refuted this fact, but conceded that I would go to the last game of the season since it is against our big rivals, Defiance. He told me I have to wear his jersey (which in itself is a little weird to me...but I'm being supportive) and that I had to stay for the whole game even if they were losing big time. So I committed. Now I wake up Saturday morning before the big game and it's cold, raining and windy outside with no signs of letting up. Add this to the fact that I can barely stand football anyway.

But I'm committed.

He even said that he should play quite a bit today so that should be exciting...maybe.

Now I know how parents feel.

Go #29.

The first of many lasts...

This week is scheduling week for next semester. And I just realized that this morning was the last time I will ever schedule for college classes. It was sort of anti-climactic. I always loved scheduling as an underclassmen because there were so many options and it was always a race to see if you could get into all the classes you wanted to at 7 in the morning. This next semester I'm just taking the bare minimum of what I have to to graduate. I thought about taking an elective, but I want to give myself enough time to really prepare for my senior recital. I was all excited to be able to take Biblical Greek this year, but after one semester I've decided that it's not really worth all the effort. Don't get me wrong, I'm doing really well in the class. I just don't see myself wanting to do all that memorizing next semester. Plus, 13 credit hours doesn't sound so bad for the last semester of college, especially when three of those credit hours will end after 5 weeks, and 2 more will be done after 10 weeks.

I won't know what to do with myself. I'm seriously considering trying out for the musical this year. I haven't the past two years because I either didn't like the musical or didn't have time, but now I pretty much have all the time in the world. It's not a musical I know much about, but it sounds decent. Who knows, maybe this will be my last chance to do any sort of musical and I should grab on to this last chance while I can.

Here's to the first of many coming lasts and making the most of all of them.

Fall or Spring?

Today was a great day simply because it was more like spring than fall. Who would have thought I'd be wearing shorts and a t-shirt in the beginning of November.

We had our first band concert for the year last Saturday. We always seem to get to the rehearsal before and I walk away thinking that the concert will either completely fall apart or be really good. We usually seem to pull it off somehow, and we did again this time. The theme for the concert was world music so we played some really cool foreign pieces.

We had Sunday Night Worship again yesterday. I feel like I'm really starting to find my place as a worship leader. We're doing more and more difficult songs and they seem to be going well. And I really like that SNW doesn't have a whole committee planning it so we get a bit more freedom. One thing I tried to do this past week was something I had been thinking with a book I just finished. The book was called "The Prophetic Imagination" by Walter Brueggemann and part of it talked about the language of grief. Brueggemann tried to point out how the prophets, especially Jeremiah, used the language of grief to get the people of Israel to realize that things are not the way they ought to be. Oftentimes we get into these ruts of contentment where we know that our world is not what God wants for us but we just feel like that's what is. The job of the prophet, then, is to bring people out of that by showing them what it means to grieve. We cannot experience true joy until we have done the hard work of grieving. With this in mind, we started out the service with a hymn based around Psalm 137. Usually I try to pick the first song to be an upbeat one that brings people together around the joy of worship, but this hymn was anything but joyful. When I actually typed out the words for the powerpoint I almost thought that I just couldn't use it because it was too hard and too real. (read the end of Psalm 137 if you don't believe me) But we went ahead and did it anyway and I tried to invite everyone to try to come to the hymn with an understanding of where the writers were coming from: exile in an oppressive foreign land. I think a lot of people appreciated using the song of lament because it helped them focus on the idea that things do not have to be the way they are. God wants so much better for us if we'd only do the hard work of grieving what is and accepting who God is calling us to be.

I realize I only ever seem to talk about SNW, but honestly that is what seems to be really challenging me this year. Maybe I'll talk about some of the cool things we're talking about in Philosophy.

Until then, I've got some scotcheroo's from my mom to snack on.

Blessed and puppets

Lately I've just really felt blessed to be living my life. I know I already said that I got to see my niece being baptized, but it was more than that. I got to see a lot of my family that weekend and it just made me feel really good about having a family that is so close. There was a special moment during the baptism when I was holding my two year old nephew trying to keep him quiet and I got him to pray with me and he was so good and quiet while I recited the Lord's Prayer into his ear. I'm uncle Mark now. Then this weekend my mom and my aunt and uncle and cousin came down to hear the choir concert. I didn't get to see them for long, but it was just good to see the faces I don't see enough anymore.

Then last night was our fourth Sunday Night Worship and it was the first time I didn't feel like I was going to throw up the entire time. Ok, so that's probably a little dramatic, but last night was definitely the first time I've truly felt comfortable leading worship. I actually got to experience worship myself while leading which is the place I really wanted to make sure I could get to eventually. One of my friends shared her testimony for the message and it was very powerful and honest. I'm learning so much more and more this year about how true Christianity is a plurality of oneness in which we find ourselves truly ourselves amidst the loving, blessed community. Too often I think I pull away from people and create meaningless relationships, but more and more I'm realizing how blessed I am to have those relationships that I do have whether they're nieces and nephews or good college friends or old friends I haven't spoken to in far too long or even that person I don't know that well but was able to have a great conversation with.

In Intro to Philosophy we talked about how the ancient Greek's idea of the ultimate aim of life was happiness which could be translated better as "blessedness". How could I not feel blessed when I have great friends and Halloween puppets? Life doesn't get better.

Much needed

This past weekend was fall break. I can't believe I'm already saying that it has passed, but times moves on and I still haven't really gotten any homework done. I was able to go home and see my niece for the first time since she was born three months ago. I was just never able to work it out to get home to see her until now which makes me the bad uncle. But I was able to go this weekend to her baptism, so I like to think that I was just waiting to see her at her best. She was such a good baby. Not that some babies are "bad", but some other babies are definitely more fussy and spit-up-y. Kids are great once they're past the spit-up stage. Before that, they're pretty much tiny time bombs waiting to explode. But, not this baby. She must have gotten those superior Rupp genes.

I came back to campus Monday morning mostly because my bed at home is really hard and I can't sleep there anymore. If nothing else, I will say that Bluffton definitely has the most comfortable mattresses I've ever slept on. The plan was to come back and get some homework done while I had some extra time to do it. So much for that. A couple of my friends and my roommate all stayed around through break, so there were too many distractions for me to actually get anything done. Now it's the last day of break and I'm scrambling to get everything done. Oh well. In the end it was a good time to relax and sometimes you just have to say "oh well" and move on.

I have come to the realization, however, that we're already halfway through the semester which means a few things:
1) I am not nearly ready enough for my Senior Recital next semester which is coming fast.
2) It's getting closer to the day I get to see my friends who are off halfway around the world this semester. I miss them and this next semester will be the last time we'll get to see each other for significant amounts of time.
3) All those semester long projects that I've been putting off should probably start getting done.

So much to do, so little fall break left.

Homecoming and so much more

This weekend was homecoming here on campus. This was the first year I've actually been around for this weekend. Usually I am at home for my high school homecoming or I was in Pittsburgh last year first semester. So, I finally got to experience some good Bluffton homecoming fun. Despite the fact that the football team lost pretty badly, it was a good time going out to the game and having almost the entire bleachers full of fans and students. The dance that night was a pretty good time too. They had it in a different location this year which we were all really skeptical of at first, but it turned out to work really well. I really like that dances here at Bluffton are fun for the simple fact that no one takes them very seriously (but then again, maybe that's just my perception of things). People just go to have fun. It's not about dressing up and taking "dates" and going to dinner beforehand. It's just a fun thing to do on Saturday night.

Besides it being homecoming this weekend was probably one of the best I've spent here at Bluffton. There's a good chance that it is all because I didn't really have any homework to worry about so I didn't have anything looming over my head the whole time. Friday night a couple guys on my floor and I hung out and played video games for hours. Then Saturday after the football game we decided to go on a bike ride. We were going along taking turns deciding which direction to go and we ended up down some country roads surrounded by fields. I told them that we should all go to a Corn Maze sometime this fall, and then about three miles later, bam!, a corn maze. We spent probably a good hour and a half wandering around the maze. It would have only taken us under an hour, but we were determined to get all the stamps hidden throughout the maze. We came back and had some pizza before the dance. The perfect end to a great weekend.

And now this week is Spiritual Life Week where they have a bunch of different activities to explore faith and spirituality and just have some fun. This evening was the Fall Festival where different organizations have booths with games and there was a raffle. I didn't really want any of the prizes but I just wanted to win something, so for every prize I could win I found someone and told them that if I won I would give it to them. Lo and behold I won the grand prize and got to give away a bicycle to one of my friends who wanted one. Part of me really wanted to go back on my offer because I instantly started to think about all the things I could do with an extra bike. But then I realized what I was doing and how I was just filling my life with stuff that I don't need. I rode the bike around once and told my friend that it was all his. I feel really good about this. I want to be a giver more often. I want to stop trying to fill my own life with stuff and start allowing others to fill my life with their presence. Now I have one more person to go on bike rides with.

Here's to a life filled with presence.


"And the crowds asked him (John), 'What then should we do?' In reply he said to them, 'Whoever has two coats must share with anyone who has none; and whoever has food must do lifewise.' " Luke 3:10-11

Listening

Last night was the "secret" Sunday Night Worship service I couldn't write about before. The big secret was actually that we were having a silent worship service. I had considered advertising it as such so that people could get into the right mindset, but then I decided that there was also merit to surprising people into a time of silence. The idea for the service partly sprung from the fact that I was starting to feel like I was making music the point of the worship rather than a means through which we worship God. I was so stressed about sounding good that I forgot to let God work through me. So, instead we were silent.

Don't get the wrong idea though. We didn't just sit in silence for an hour without anything happening. There was a powerpoint that led people through with questions and prompts to do things or think about things. I think one of the most powerful things we did was "sing" a few songs with our hearts rather than our voices. During the opening song, the worship band went forward and tore down the stage instead of playing leaving only the cross on stage in the end. I think it was a powerful symbol both for me as a worship leader and everyone else as worshippers.

In the end I was very pleased with the way things turned out. At one point I started to stress out again about things not going right, but then I realized that I was supposed to be meditating to the words of Psalm 62 which partly read "trust in the Lord". I just decided to let God take over instead of worrying about all the details. A lot of people have told me that they were very touched by the service.

Praise God.

Psalm 62
Truly my soul waiteth upon God: from him cometh my salvation.
He only is my rock and my salvation; he is my defence; I shall not be greatly moved.
How long will ye imagine mischief against a man? ye shall be slain all of you: as a bowing wall shall ye be, and as a tottering fence.
They only consult to cast him down from his excellency: they delight in lies: they bless with their mouth, but they curse inwardly. Selah.
My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him.
He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence; I shall not be moved.
In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God.
Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us.

The Symphony of 1000

A lot has happened since last post. Sunday Night Worship is up and running. We've had two already and the third is tomorrow. I think we all decided that the first two were good places to start, but we really hope to keep building from here. The original vision for the "new" SNW was to be more diverse in worship style and try to get out of the routine that it seemed like worship services on campus had fallen into. The last two really didn't break any new ground, but we are going to try to start that with tomorrow's service. I would tell you what we have planned, but it's somewhat of a secret at this point.

In other news, this weekend the choir I'm a part of is singing with other choirs and the Toledo Symphony at the Peristyle in the Toledo Art Museum. We are doing Mahler's 2nd Symphony which they say is sometimes called the Symphony of 1000 because it takes so many people to pull it off. The choir has 201 singers and the orchestra is somewhere between 100 and 150. So it's not quite 1000, but we do make a pretty awesome sound. The only rought part is that the choir only sings in the 5th (and last) movement for about 15 minutes so we have to sit there on stage during the first 4 movements which last around an hour and fifteen minutes. To make matters worse, I can't really breathe out of either of my nostrils and they only barely managed to cram 201 singers on stage so we are all shoulder to shoulder, knee to back. It is a rough at first, but once we start to sing it really makes it worth it. The piece is about Mahler's conversion from Judaism to Catholicism and the turmoil he had to wrestle with to make that switch. It has some truly deep and amazing moments like when the entire choir is practically screaming the words "This must be true" and "before I live, I have to die" (all in German, of course). I would have to say that despite my cold and having to sit still for over an hour this is definitely one of the cooler things I've done in my life.

Well, I've got the first part of my Saturday free and I have to finish stuff up for tomorrow night's service. I told the band that I would cook them something before we rehearse so we could eat together, but I forgot how much of a paint cooking can be. I'm off to get done what I can before tomorrow.

Are we there yet?

Well, week two of classes is officially over with, but I'm still not sure I'm to the point where I'm fully back in the swing of things yet. I got auditions for the Sunday Night Worship Band over with, and thinking back it was probably one of the hardest decisions I've had to make during my four years here at Bluffton. There were so many factors surrounding each candidate that it was hard to keep them all straight in my head and even after we made the final decisions, I still feel uneasy because every single person who auditioned would have been absolutely perfect. But now that it's over and it's been a few days it is interesting to see how the people we didn't choose to be in the core group are finding other opportunities to get involved on campus and use their gifts. Who knew ministry would be so hard sometimes? I can definitely see why Paul listed gentleness as one of the fruits of the Spirit. I tried so hard to make sure people understood that just because we were not picking them didn't mean that they weren't gifted people in hopes that they wouldn't take offense and think less of themselves.

In other news: We finally got the couch for our room. I'm really glad because the lawn chairs weren't really cutting it any more. It was also good to see my parents (and get treated to Arby's). And now our room finally feels home-y. In fact, two nights ago there were people just hanging out watching tv in our room until 2 for not good reason. I'm not one to usually stay up too late, but it was just nice to be with people and talk.

I got my "Application for Graduation" form in the mail the other day. Great. That is going to have to happen soon. These were some good years, but I'm ready for something new. At the Hall Chaplain retreat before classes started we did a devotion on Psalm 139 which is all about how we cannot flee from God's presence. The phrase that stuck out to me the most were verses 9-10 which read: "If I take the wings of the morning and settle at the farthest limits of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me fast." Meditating on this made me think of ships sailing off into the unknown with the sun at their back. There are so many new things to do, new things to see, new things to experience this year and beyond that I am on the edge of my seat with excitement. I'm ready to "take the wings of the morning" and see what the world has to offer, fully knowing that God will be my guide.

Back.

Well, I'm back now. I guess I've been back for awhile now and you could almost say that I'm already back in the swing of things. Almost, but not quite yet. I'm still trying to get a handle on where I'm supposed to be and when. It only gets slightly easier the more years I spend at Bluffton.

There are a lot of exciting things happening this year...at least in my life anyway. I am a Hall Chaplain as well as being a Sunday Night Worship co-coordinator in charge of the worship band. Both of these things are already really challenging me, but it's a good sort of stress. I remember two years ago having a conversation with a friend's mom when I was trying to figure out whether or not to change my major. She gave me some wisdom that I will pass on to all of you out there: When you find something that makes you unable to sleep unless you know that you are doing that thing well, then that is what you should spend your life doing. As awful as it sounds, I honestly think I would have been able to sleep fine had I become a music teacher and and not done that well. But I think that changing my major to Music Ministry has been one of the best decisions I've ever made even though it feels less certain. I feel most alive when I am pursuing ministry.

These posts never really seem to go where I plan them to, but just suffice to say that I'm really excited about this year and all the possibilities it contains. Not much has actually happened yet, but I will keep you posted. So check back soon; it should be a busy week.

"The place where God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet."
- Frederick Buechner

Done. Period.

I'm finally done. I took my last exam this morning and now the semester is practically over. If I didn't mention it before, I absoulutely love finals week. I usually just have like one final a day and then I spend minimal time studying and most of my time just hanging out with friends. I've been playing a lot of Tennis Ball Golf lately and I actually one the other day. Out of the seven holes we played I won five of them. Woot. It is dawning on me now, though, that today may be the last day I see a lot of people; some for months some for longer. That maeks me sad. I walked by a room on our floor yesterday and it was completely cleaned out. I didn't really know the guys who lived there, but it just made me sad to see that the year is really ending. I wouldn't give up my experience in Pittsburgh for anything in the world, but it did make me realize how much I missed not being able to be here first semester and meet all the freshman and get to know them for a whole year. It feels like I'm just starting to make friends now that we all have to leave for the summer. Oh well, next year should be amazing. People have thought I was a senior since my freshman year (probably because of how mature I am...ha), but now I actually will be. Scary.

In other news, I'm really excited about going to see the musical tonight. It's opening night and I keep hearing conflicting reviews about how it's going to turn out. I was int he musical my freshman year and i really enjoyed it, but the last two years I just didn't have the drive to do it. I guess I just realized it's something I like to do but can live without. But I do really enjoy watching other people perform, so tonight will be fun.

Well, I'm off to do my "I'm-done" dance. My roommates and I had a dance party earlier, but it will probably keep going all day. The rush never really ends, but at least for now I'll be taking a break to dance for awhile.

Finals...finally

It's been awhile since I've posted, but I just had to get through that whirlwind known as the end of the year. The last day of classes was Thursday and it seems like I had some sort of paper or project or presentation due every day leading up to it. At the beginning of the year I made a Semester-long to-do list and it was nice to be able to cross them off. Now we're in finals week. I think this is probably my favorite week of the semester. Most people think that finals would be the worst, but the way it works out in college is that I may have one or two things to do every day, but then the rest of the day is totally free. Me and all my friends are pretty much just spending this time hanging out before summer comes and we all go back home. I'm not too worried about the finals I have. None of them seem too hard, and some of them I just have to show up and fill out a class evaluation.

Since I last posted I had my Junior Recital. In the music department you have to give a 15-20 minute recital your Junior year and then at least a 45 minute one your Senior year. I think I mentioned before how I heard an art major talking about her art show by saying that it was cool to show off her homework, what she was up til midnight most nights doing. These recitals are sort of the same thing. I guess I should say that it went really well. I was mostly just glad to get it over with so I can start thinking about the Senior recital.

With the weather finally turning nice around here it's amazing to see everyone coming out of their dorm rooms like bears coming out of hibernation. The window in my room faces out on a lawn between three residence halls and there are constantly people out there throwing balls around, playing cornhole, or just relaxing in the sun. And there's always tennis going on these days. And especially this last week all of the trees and shrubs and flowers are coming into bloom at once. It sounds dumb, but when I visited as a senior in HS the campus was part of the reason I really wanted to go here.

But on to more manly things...I played Tennis Ball Golf for the first time the other day. It's pretty much just golf with a tennis ball and trees instead of holes. I have always seen other people play but never gotten the chance to myself. Needless to say I wasn't very good. I did win one hole and it even went over the Riley Creek. I think I was the only one in the group who didn't go into the creek. I've also been getting out to play Ultimate Frisbee more and more these last couple weeks. Usually I have choir when it's going on, but that's all ending now. I really appreciate that the hard-core Ultimate guys that play three or four days a week are welcoming enough to let people with no talent to get into the game. I even scored a goal the other day (mostly on accident, but who's keeping track?).

I think that's it for now. Maybe I'll keep you all updated on all the exciting things I get to do this week in all my free time. Until then, peace out.

Finally Spring

So it's been awhile, but that just means there is more to update on. This past weekend was probably the best weekend of my junior year so far. First of all the weather is finally getting nice and seems like it is going to stay that way. I had planned for Saturday to be my homework day, but when my Google weather alerts said that it was sunny and 57 degrees out I decided against that. But first, Friday: Friday night MCB held an open mic night. It wasn't very well attended, but those who were there had a really good time. It didn't look like there was going to be many acts, so I quick wrote a poem to read and it went over really well. Then I got to sing the song "Bubbly" with one of my friends.

After open mic night, we all decided to head out to Denny's where I officially became a Lumberjack. They have a breakfast platter there that includes: two pancakes, two eggs, two pieces of bacon, two sausage links, a pile of hashbrowns, and a slab of ham. Once you eat it all, you get to join the Lumberjack club. The meal in itself wasn't that exciting just because I tried to trick my stomach by eating really fast so I was done in under 10 minutes. But the fact that we had a group of over 25 people all being really loud and pretty much taking over the restaurant was so much fun. I thought the manager would keep coming out to tell us to be quiet, but he actually kept encouraging us. He even made us do the Beaver Call at one point.

I came back and took some tums and I slept fine all night. Like I said, Saturday was supposed to be my homework day, but that didn't turn out so well. It was such a nice day that I just decided to go walk around campus and see what I could find to do. I met up with some friends in the student union and we decided to check out the Nature Preserve. It is a little over a mile hike out to the preserve, but our whole group was all about getting outside to enjoy the sun no matter the walk. At one point we got on the trail and I realized that there was about an inch of mud/water covering the path. I thought I would turn around to see my three friends turning around to go back, but I turned around and they were all rolling up there pant legs ready to stick with it. It was probably the most fun, random Saturday afternoon I've ever spent. We got back and we all had mud splattered up and down our backs. Awesome.

That night, my roommate and my other friend and I took a campus tour to every floor on campus just to see who we could hang out with. We got a lot of free food, and some really good company from people we normally wouldn't hang out with. Another great activity.

This morning I got to go hear quite a few of my friends lead worship at a local church with Shining Through, the music ministry on campus. It is the first time I've ever gotten to hear them do their entire program and it was relaly good. I used to think that there was a lot of tension between Shining Through and Camerata because we're both about music and worship, but more and more I realize that there's is a completely different setting and they do it really well. I was really touched by their sincerity and joy they had just for worshipping God.

This afternoon were two Senior recitals of two of my friends. They were both really good and it just got me really excited next year for my hour to shine. This next Sunday, though, is the Junior recital. I'm pretty excited about that, but it's considerably less time/work than a Senior recital. It will be good just to have this over with. That's all I can think of for the best weekend ever. Here's to many more.

A long, hard week...

So I never got around to filling everyone in on how Chicago was. Let me sum up: pretty sweet, but pretty cold at the same time. My friend Derick and I went the first day to the Art Institute and walked about the museum for about 2 hours. It was a lot of art. Then that night the group went to see Wicked. It was really, really good, but with all the hype it's gotten I kind of expected it to be really, really, really good. I wasn't disappointed at all, I just wasn't blown away as much as I thought I would be. That was pretty much my experience in Chicago. The rest of tour went really well, and I could definitely tell by the end that we had all grown closer together. Someone asked me this week if there was any drama or any bickering throughout the tour and I couldn't think of a single thing that happened. It was all just a really good experience.

But, the only thing I felt cheated on was my ability to have at least a day or two to completely relax which made this week sort of hectic. First of all, I was completely worn out by tour, and added on to that I had a couple major things due this past week. I ended up living out of my suitcase the whole week because I didn't feel like/couldn't find the time to do laundry. Then there was a streak of about three days where I hadn't showered because I hadn't had time to do anything active. In the end, it was a rough week for me and everyone who had to be around me for extended periods of time. But, I got the paper done at 2:30 Thursday morning, and the rest of the week was smooth sailing through the weekend. My roommate and I did some major laundry, cleaning, organizing of the room and I was finally able to feel like my life wasn't a mess by Saturday afternoon.

The weekend was probably one of the best I've had in awhile. I don't have anything major coming up this week, so I got to hang out with some great friends and not have the threat of papers looming over me. Friday night we had Live Band Karaoke on campus. I don't do Karaoke, but it was a lot of fun to watch everyone else. Then Saturday night a bunch of us went to see the new Dr. Seuss movie. I haven't laughed that hard at a movie in a long time. It had everything I'd ever want in 2 hours of cinema. I even found myself almost wanted to cry at the end even though it was a movie about a talking elephant. If you get nothing else from this post, then hear this: you should go see "Horton Hears a Who".

We had our Camerata home concert this afternoon. Beforehand all the seniors went around and got a chance to talk about what being in Camerata meant to them. I had never really thought about how much Camerata means to people. But when I think about it, next year when I'm in the senior position I will probably be the one nearly in tears trying to articulate how honored I felt to be part of such a great group. The concert went well. My parents and my grandma came down and it was good to be able to sing for people I knew and show them what I did with my spring break. If not that, then it was good to get my mom's Rice Krispie Squares she made for me. Any chance to get home cooking is always a great time when you're in college.

That's all for now. Peace.

More tour updates...

I almost forgot to post these last couple entries. I'm sure you're anxious to hear about Pittsburgh:

Wednesday March 5, 2008

We sang at my church in Pittsburgh today. I was sort of nervous at first just because I felt weird bringing 40 people through the church on a Wednesday afternoon and I figured that most of the other members of the choir would be uninterested in seeing the church. But, when we got there there was this great moment where I was trying to herd everyone into the sanctuary and at first they just stood in the doorway in awe of how beautiful it was. I assured them that it was ok to go in, and they all seemed like they were at least mildly interested in seeing the stained glass, or the famous organ, or the soaring architecture. We only had time to sing two songs, but it was just for the 4 or 5 staff members who were around. I think they were really impressed. It was cool to be able to show them a whole other side of me that I didn’t really get to express while I was there. This was the last trip I have planned out already to be back in Pittsburgh. Every time it is harder to leave, but I keep finding my way back somehow.
The rest of Pittsburgh was pretty cool just because I got to tell other people a little bit more about what my last semester was like. I didn’t really understand what it was about until I got there, so I think the tour of the Pittsburgh Project and the city really helped give people a better idea of what I did.
I almost forgot to talk about the concert we did in Scottdale, PA. It was my first concert being completely out of my music. I think that because of that, I was able to worship even more freely. That coupled with the fact that we are getting really good as a choir really provided for some great moments. There was one in particular where we finished a song and I could feel everyone in the room holding their breath for a good 8 seconds. And then another where we finished a song and there was a barely audible “wow” from the back row. It’s moments like those that really make the trip what it was meant to be.



Thursday March 6, 2008

Another long day. This was one of the two days on tour where we had three concerts. Added onto that, we had to be on the bus at 6 in the morning. I don’t usually find it that easy to sleep on the bus, but at 6 in the morning I think I could’ve slept anywhere. I actually curled up in my two seats as comfortably as I could manage. I fell asleep in Wooster, OH and woke up around VanWert.
Our first concert was at a Christian School in Goshen, IN. I really like singing for high school kids because there is such a wide spectrum of reactions. There are the kids who look completely bored, then at the other end of the spectrum are the music kids who either look completely awed or like they think they could do a better job. I also think I like singing for this age just because it’s not something they’re used to. I have definitely gained an appreciation for “higher” forms of music by being in this group, and I think it is neat to think that maybe some of the kids might get at least a little bit of that same appreciation in the half hour we’re there.
The second place we sang was the Associated Mennonite Biblical Seminary. The only real notable thing about the performance was the fact that the chapel where we sang was really live acoustically. After that we drove back to a church in Goshen. The other great part of tour is getting to try all the different church meals. This church ranks up there with a great soup dinner. I think it was just what I needed after too much junk food, and pizza, and greasy fast food. Before the concerts we always have devotions led by choir members, and I led last nights devotion. I told a story about an experience I had with a child who had ADHD and how a lot of times we were just like this boy. At least for me, it seems like sometimes I have a hundred things going on inside my mind, but God just wants us to “be still and know that [He] is God” (Ps. 46:10). When I looked it up, I found that the Hebrew word for “be still” can also be translated as “become weak” or “let go”. God wants us to “become weak” and “let go” of the things of the world that we hold on to so tightly and worry about so much. I thought it went well. At least it helped me to focus on the music and worship rather than on what the audience might be thinking.
Tomorrow’s Chicago. It is my first trip to the windy city and I’m pretty excited. Woot!

Tour

I finally found some WiFi connection, so here are a few updates I wrote so far:

Sunday March 2, 2008

We set off for Pennsylvania, Chicago and everything in between yesterday. The trip started off looking like it might be crazy when the bus was 20 minutes late, but apparently he just got stuck behind a train somewhere. But we got on and all settled in. I was surprised to find that I had a set of seats to myself. I guess in my head I was picturing hours on end in a bus with little to no space crammed up against the window while one of my choir mates drooled through a nap on my shoulder. Not the case. Besides the fact that it is a bus, I’m pretty much living in luxury. I started out in the back of the bus, but decided that the back-of-the-bus crew was a little much for me who just wanted to do a lot of reading throughout the trip. But, by the end of the day I had found some empty seats up toward the front where it is a little more docile.
Enough about the stupid bus. We didn’t sing the first day. We drove for about 2 to 3 hours and arrived in Millersburg. All we did there was get hooked up with our host families and head off for the night. I ended up staying with my roommate Derick at the house of someone who actually goes to Bluffton. They fed us brownies and ice cream and we sat around and talked for awhile. Like I said before I love awkward host family conversation. It’s not always awkward, but it is always the same thing. I think it’s just nice to have people so interested in me…even if they are just trying to fill the silence.
I would say our first concert went really well. We didn’t do the whole program because it was part of a church service, but we did a good portion. It is hard for me because I have only really been with the music for half a semester whereas everyone else has almost everything memorized. The director says we can take our music up with us if we need it, but there was one time when I looked up and realized I was the only one with my folder. From now on, I will probably just fake when I don’t know as best I can.
We did another concert at the end of the day. This was our first full concert. Once again I thought it went well, but a lot of times I apparently can’t tell when we’re doing poorly. If nothing else, I’m having fun. I actually really enjoy doing these concerts. It’s kind of a rush. But then again, it is still early in the week.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

We’re at our first mall. When people talk about tours in the past, they always joke about how we always find ourselves with free time so we end up going to a mall to waste time. This is that time. We’re actually in Pittsburgh right now, which is semi-exciting simply because I kind of know where we are and can tell people fun facts. I think I was actually at this mall at one point last semester. Yesterday was a really busy day. We did three programs total, but only one of them was the full concert. We sang at a Christian School, a Retirement Home, and then a Church in the evening. My first though was “Retirement home? How lame.” But it turned out that they were our most appreciative audience. The were a far cry from the Christian School kids who were forced to come listen to us. To be fair, they were pretty attentive, but the elderly audience had such joy in their faces while we sang.
By the time the evening concert came around I could already tell that we were really starting to get better as a choir. They always talk about how by the end of tour the choir sounds really good. Dr. Suderman was saying before we left that he was really excited about where we were then and where he thought we could be by the end of tour. Now that I’m getting better at having the music memorized I am starting to actually get into the meaning of the songs. One of my favorite songs we sing is in a Latin chant style and the translation says something like “Where love and charity are, God is. There is such immense joy, forever and for all time. Alleluia, God is here.” One of the things I really appreciate about Camerata is the fact that we do try to create worship with our music and portray the meaning and depth behind the songs. There are some moments in our program that are absolutely beautiful every single time we sing them. There are others that are truly powerful. And then there are even others that are just fun. I felt like such a dork when I said before that I really enjoy doing these concerts, but each one is a great worshipful experience.
We sing tomorrow briefly at the church where I interned last semester. I’m excited to see everyone again, even if it is for a short amount of time. Plus, I never really got to show them the “choir” side of my personality. Well, half and hour left in the mall. I’ll probably just read the book I bought so I don’t do any more damage to my wallet.


Hopefully more to come...

And Now Introducing...Mr. Junior Chairperson

I have no idea where this semester went. We're already in mid-term season and spring break is next week. I had meant to write about Spiritual Life Week which was last week. It was probably the best one that I have been here for so far. We had Tony Campolo speak on campus all week long. Out of the three days that he was here, I heard him speak 5 times. He just has such great stories and insights to share. I think one of the things that I was most impressed by about him was how confident he was about all of his beliefs and opinions. At one of the speaking events he went through a bunch of different "hot button" issues like the war and gay marriage and everything in between and gave his insights in what it means to respond to those issues from a Christian perspective. His big thing was that he wanted to be known as a "red letter Christian", someone who takes the words of Jesus seriously and views their entire lives in lights of those words. Even though I was somewhat skeptical about some of his ideas for how we should react or what we should do in these situations, just the fact that everything he said seemed to have been contemplated, weighed, and thoroughly thought out really gave him a lot of credibility in my mind. That's the kind of person I want to be: intentional. I want to be intentional about what I think and believe instead of just letting other people impose their thoughts on me.


Other exciting news: I was elected as Junior Chairperson for the May Day Celebration this year. I am not sure exactly what all that entails at this point, but I am pretty pumped just because I don't think I have ever really won anything by election. From what I do understand, I think I just have to look nice, read off some stuff before the dance, and be at the front of the line when people are walking from place to place. I'm not exactly sure why I'm excited about this. Maybe it's just because I love May Day so much...well, I do now that I'm not wearing crazy leiderhosen and prancing around.

That's all for now. I am supposed to be updating next week througout Camerata's spring break tour, but I may not have access to a computer until I get back. Stay tuned.

Volvo's are Dumb

I want to update on my past weekend before I get around to talking about this week. As I mentioned before, this past weekend I spent in Pittsburgh at what was called the Jubilee Conference. Basically it was three days of worship, large group seminars, smaller group workshops, and Christian exhibitions. I was really excited to be back in Pittsburgh and get to see my church family. But, more than that, I was also really anxious to just be able to get away from everything else going on in my life recenter myself. I realized last week that I just haven't really been worshipping lately. For the class Christian Worship, we have to attend various worship service traditions so for awhile now I have been going to worship but spending the entire time trying to analyze what was happening. Added onto that is the fact that I am working in the sound booth for the chapel services offered here every Thursday. I love these services, but it is really hard to simply worship when I'm trying to make sure the violin can be heard or that the awful buzzing noise is taken care of. So, I was really excited for this past weekend to just be able to be open myself up once again to the presence of God through worship.

I definitely think this happened, but it wasn't until Saturday night. I spent most of Friday worrying about getting there, finding my host family's home, trying to find food, getting lost in downtown, being angry about how much I had to spend on parking, and on and on. At first it seemed like the weekend was just going to be another endless cycle of worries getting in the way. But Saturday came, I found the place without getting lost, I felt ok about paying $10 for parking because I'd be there all day, and I knew a little better what was actually going on. Saturday night during the evening group worship session I finally felt the presence of God again. As someone planning to go into ministry, I know that this will be a constant battle I will have to fight. I think it's good that I am realizing the need to make sure I find time to worship without distraction now instead of getting to my first year in a job somewhere and burning out.

Besides this, the speakers for the weekend were pretty good. The lady who wrote a book called "Finding God Beyond Harvard" read part of a chapter during her message and I was completely blown away by the experience she described. They had already sold out of the book at the book table, but it's definitely on my list to check out. The other speakers included Chuck Colson (one of the guys sent to jail for Watergate who had a radical conversion experience and completely turned his life around) and Donald Miller. These two were a really interesting contrast, one being more the older generation, the other being more the postmodern-searching generation. Both were really inspiring. The only "sound bite" I can really remember from either of them is that Donald Miller talked about how our lives are like stories and we should evaluate what goal the main character of our stories is fighting for. Stories about overcoming obstacles to get that Volvo don't really do much for the reader because that's dumb. We should be living heroic lives that have real goals ahead of them. Our lives should be page-turners. I'm sure he said it all much more eloquently than I ever could within the confines of this blog.

I did get to spend some time with my church family. It's always good to see all the kids and the adults I spent the entire last semester growing to love. It hurts to leave every time, but for some reason I keep finding excuses to go back. Maybe my work there, in some way, isn't finished.

I'm going to go try to figure out something to live for besides the Volvo...because that makes for a pretty dumb story.

Life Rolls On

Quite a bit has happened since the last post, so I'll try to fit it all in. The weekend in Cincinnati with Camerata was a lot of fun. It really made me look forward to all the awkward moments with host families I can expect on tour. Don't get me wrong, the family we stayed with was really nice, but going through the same routine of trying to get to know people and asking the same questions and giving the same exact answers while trying not to do something embarassing like fart in the car or leave a dirty towel somewhere they would find offensive is the stuff that life is made of. That was two weekends ago, but this past weekend we went on Sunday morning to Berne to sing at a church. On the way there the back row of the van played Jeopardy using the fog on the windows as the gameboard and making up categories as we went. It was probably one of the most fun trips I've taken. Besides that, we experienced the other greatest part of tour: the potluck. Oh, how the Mennonites know how to potluck. I've never seen so many kinds of potatoe casseroles. Tour is going to make me fat.

This past week was Camp Week and one of my friends who used to go to Bluffton came back for a few days to recruit people to work at her camp. It was good to hang out with the old group again. It seems like I always end up being really good friends with a lot of upperclassmen who eventually decide to graduate. So what do I do, make a bunch of friends that are underclassmen. And what do they decide to do? Leave me for a semester abroad. I can't really blame them though. But life rolls on and it's all good in the end.

This coming weekend I am going to attend the Jubilee Conference in Pittsburgh. I learned about it while I was out there, and it sounded like this amazing opportunity to spend a weekend worshipping and growing in my faith. Now I'm nervous. It didn't really phase me before that I would be the only one going from Bluffton, but now I'm not so sure. I looked at pictures from last year's conference and there are a bunch with groups of people huddled around huge banners with school names on it. In my head I'm picturing me with a tiny Bluffton penant alone in the corner. Obviously it won't be like that and everyone will be friendly and open. But it will be a stretch for me to make myself get to know other people for the weekend. It's not that I'm shy. Large groups of people just make me nervous sometimes. I do know at least two people I met in Pittsburgh will be there, so in the end, it'll be all good...as long as it doesn't snow 10 inches between now and Friday.

'Bout that Time

So it's about that time in the semester where it's not quite the beginning any more and it's nowhere near the end. I had my first quizzes in some of my classes, I've started to figure out the subtle nuances of each professor, and I've even written my first paper by now. I think all this means is that now we've hit the dangerous "cruise control" portion of the semester. I've got the weekly routine down and now the trick to keep from going insane by turning the radio up to keep me awake or make sure I keep some good company in the front seat. (Ok, so maybe the "cruise control" analogy has gone far enough...) Honestly, though, I think there is a big danger about this time of the semester. There's no longer that sense of wonder and awe during classes. Pizza and pasta every night for dinner gets old, and believe it or now, I can only play so much Guitar Hero before it gets boring (or my wrist really starts to hurt). So what do we do about it: mix things up.

That's why it's so great to always have something different going on on the weekends. This weekend Camerata (the touring choir I'm in) is going to Cincinnati for the whole weekend. Some of the other people in the group are bummed about having to doing choir stuff all weekend, but I'm secretly really excited about it. A lot of my really good friends are in the group and it will be good just to hang out and have some fun. It's kind of like a mini-pre-tour before we go on real tour over spring break which I'm also really excited about. I guess what I'm trying to say in the end is that sometimes when it seems like everything is the same as it was the day before and will be the day after, it's nice to have some fun stuff to look forward to. Here's to a great weekend.

Let's Play Some Kickball

I was asked to do an admissions event out at Camp Laurelville over this past weekend. Basically, I just had to go to this weekend high school retreat, set up a table, tell kids how sweet Bluffton is, and then just hang out. It was a pretty good experience, especially getting to know some of the other college reps talk about their own college experiences to the high schoolers. I think the thing we all agreed on was how crucial the visit was to our decision. Until I visited here, I thought I wanted to go to BGSU but when I got here for the tour I remember thinking "Wow, I didn't know college could be like this." I always had thought of college as being surrounded by millions of people all the time and not really knowing any of the professors or even a fraction of the other students. I feel so blessed that God led me here. Some people are all about the huge college experience and that's fine for them, but Bluffton just fits for me.

Anyway, I told the kids how sweet Bluffton was for a few days, then I ducked out early Sunday morning so I could be at Eastminster (the church where I interned) for worship. It was great to see everyone and be back in a place where I've just felt like God was definitely alive and moving. The sermon was actually one of the best I have heard probably in years. Pastor Paul actually quoted from one of the books we are reading for my favorite class this semester, Disicpling and Mentoring. Part of the sermon was about "cheap grace" that is so often offered by the church that is detached from any sort of discipleship. Like I did while I was living there, I went down after worship and taught the men's high school sunday school. We got to talk about the sermon and what the true cost of following Christ in our lives is. I'm not sure if anything really stuck with those guys, but I definitely felt like God was working in bringing me back for that one Sunday where I could talk about the things we were learning about in class. If nothing else, it was good to be welcomed back so warmly.

Tonight in Bible Study we watched a Nooma Video and talked about how God has a perfect will for our lives even when we don't see it or realize the good things we have. The video was about a kid not getting the toy he thought he wanted, but instead getting the kickball his dad knew would be better for him. I think I realized how much of a "kickball" my experience in Pittsburgh was. Before I decided to do the semester, it seems like I had applied for, or tried out for, or hoped for a ton of different things that just one by one fell apart leaving me crushed. It was only the fact that I didn't do any of those things, however, that I was able to go to Pittsburgh and really find some great direction for my life. Then, thinking about this made me think about prayer. Sometimes I feel like my prayers just turn into shopping lists of things to ask God to help me with. Over time this really just turns the relationship inward and makes it into something that's just about what I can get from God. I think it's ok to ask God for help in all sorts of things, but in the end there needs to be a recognition like Jesus portrays in the Lord's Prayer of "thy kingdom come, thy will be done". I think I'm ready to give up my crappy toys and start playing some kickball.

Here's to Living

I'm taking a couple classes this semester that are trying to get us to look back at our past experiences in order to understand where we came from and why we are where we are. It's always fun to look back and remember the stupid stuff we used to do. Does anyone else remember pogs, or maybe the yo-yo fad that happened for awhile? How about the fact that I secretly thought boy-band music was really catchy but was too much of a man to actually buy any CD's (don't judge, you know you probably know most of the words to songs like "I Want It That Way" by the Backstreet Boys). That's all well and good, but once we get past the stupid music, and the goofy clothes, and the bowl-cut hairstyles, I can start to actually see the things that have made me who I am. In the class Discipling and Mentoring we're talking about our faith experiences and what it was that brought us to know Christ. Some people had hell-fire-and-brimstone experiences that scared them into faith while others had less dramatic experiences. I realized that the recipe of my faith began with something like: one part fear of damnation, one part Jesus is my buddy, and two parts everybody else is doing it. But since I've been in college I've realized how selfish that recipe was. I wanted to be saved, I wanted a friend who would love me unconditionally, I wanted to be liked by everyone else so I went along with the crowd. The class, however, is really challenging all of us to think of Jesus' mission in terms of "The Kingdom of God". What does that mean? It means there is a whole world out there that is hurting. There is a whole world out there that needs to know Gods love. It means that my faith may be something that starts within myself, but it cannot stay there. Being in college has really opened my eyes to the fact that the world doesn't really revolve around me (yes, it took this long to figure that out).

But I think that is what college is all about, opening your eyes to the world. Last semester when I was in Pittsburgh we talked a lot about how the rich don't even know the poor because they have removed themselves so far from them. While I was there, suddenly the poor were our neighbors, they were the people that went to our church and rode our buses (ok, so I personally didn't ride the bus but other people did). I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think the biggest thing Bluffton has done for me is helped me to realize that there is a more to life than just what I can get from the world. In honor of yesterday I will end with a little something from the Rev. Dr. King:

"An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity." Martin Luther King, Jr.


Here's to living.

I'm Back, Baby!

I think that since I've been back at Bluffton I have been asked "what is it like being back" at least 4 or 5 times a day. Maybe if I answer it publicly I won't have to sit through another of the same conversation. How does it feel to be back? It has its ups and downs. I don't think it has really hit met yet that I'm not actually a part of the community I found back in Pittsburgh. Sure, they assured me that I'm welcome back anytime and how much they're going to miss me. It's just a guess, but I'm pretty sure life will go on in Pittsburgh without me. Someone else will run the game at youthgroup, someone else will send out the invoices for the music lesson, someone else will stand in the back and sing with the praise band. I can't let that discourage me though because am I also sure that I will be missed, and I will be welcomed back. At least I hope so, since I am getting the opportunity to pass through Pittsburgh and will be there in a few Sundays. As for the ups of being back on campus, I think they're evident. I definitely missed a lot of my friends. Two of my good friends are planning on doing semester abroad programs next fall, so I keep telling them we have to fit as much fun into this semester as possible. Other than that, it's nice not to have to cook for myself or drive every day to an internship. I also missed getting to know all the freshman this year. There are so many faces on campus that I have never seen before and that makes me sad.

My roommate who normally leads Sunday Morning Worship got his wisdom teeth out this weekend, so he asked me if I wanted to lead this morning. I was a little apprehensive just because it was my first week back and I felt like I was still getting settled, but then I realized that I was just letting fear try to dicatate my life again. So, I did it. I was really pleased with how well it went. Throughout the week I tried to find a good balance between freaking out to make sure everything would be perfect and allowing the Spirit to work. Derick, my roommate, always seems to just kind of throw things together last minute and it always works out really well. I, on the other hand, need to plan. Not because I feel like everything has to be perfect, but because I feel like God always deserves the best we can give Him. I tried to mentally get myself to the place where I didn't actually care what the band sounded like but was more worried about how sincere we all were. Honestly, I don't know if I got there completely, but it was good that I wasn't freaking out about everything being perfect when my wireless mic decided to stop working as soon as I went on stage. I just stole the guitarists mic and life went on. (He sings loud enough to not need a mic anyway.) In the end, we praised God, had some fun, and I learned a little about what it means to lead the worship band. I guess it is good to be back...baby!