Life as a Jungle-Gym

I survived.

As soon as we got there and Mike went to register us (leaving me with the kids) I found myself hoisted into the air by our guys. It really wasn't that bad other than they set me down on my head. Actually the weekend was not completely as oriented around hurting me as I thought it might be. To be honest I did get hurt pretty bad the first night, but disappointingly enough it was my own fault. We were doing a scavenger hunt around the camp in the dark and our group was running to find the first clue. We had to go up this road that led up the mountain, so I wasn't too worried about it being dark because I could see the road and figured I wouldn't have to watch out for anything. So I was showing my prowess at running and I pulled ahead of the group a little ways. Mind you, I was running at pretty much full capacity up this hill with the kids when all of a sudden I find myself writhing in pain on the ground. Apparently they wanted to keep cars from driving up this path so they put a low lying chain across the pavement. I did not see it at all, so when it caught me right under the kneecaps and I landed knee first on the pavement it came as a total shock. I honestly didn't want to get up for a good 3 or 4 minutes it hurt so badly. All this happened within the first 4 hours of the weekend, so I was in mild pain the rest of the time there.

Of course this didn't deter them from trying to beat on me the rest of the weekend. I tried my best to test the pacifist ideal by not fighting back at all (which really, all they're looking for is a reaction), and I think that really helped keep it to a minimum. At one point during Club (where they have music, skits, and the speaker) they started a quasi-mosh pit during one of the praise songs. Before I knew what was happening I was surrounded by our group and they were all grabbing onto me. "On three, jump" they told me, so I thought "ok, this shouldn't be too bad." To be fair, it didn't end up being that "bad" but it was one of the scarier moments of the weekend when I found myself about 15 feet in the air not sure how I was supposed to land without killing someone or myself. (Don't get me wrong, these kids are not the spawn of Satan like I'm making them out to be. That's just how they have fun, and I spent the weekend learning how to live in their world.)

As a whole, although I survived, the weekend was somewhat frustrating for me. It was frustrating in the sense that I see a lot of potential in all of our kids, but that potential just seemed like it was in hiding the whole weekend. I grew up in a youth program tradition that was very oriented around student leadership. I was one of those student leaders. I wrestled with being a positive role model. I thought about what it meant to be a servant leader and sacrifice part of myself to make sure others were having good experiences. I just didn't see that at all this weekend. I spent most of my time with the guys, so I can't really speak for the girls, but the guys that I sensed could be great leaders seemed to just float through the weekend without even pushing themselves let alone pushing others to take seriously the message that was presented. The ones I could see being excellent leaders who could influence the tone of the entire group either a) spent all their time using their influence to become the center of attention and distract everyone else from anything worthwhile or b) spent all their time hiding behind the group "a" kids without taking the risk of stepping up.

It was just really frustrating because I've come to realize that there is an element to youth ministry that not even the best youth ministers can force on the group because it has to come from within the group itself. I think one of the most important jobs of the youth minister has to be empowering young people to be leaders among their peers. Mike has a "Student Leadership Team" set up, but I guess it's still in it's beginning stages. It's just so frustrating knowing that I can only take my influence and my example and my teachings so far.

The other frustrating part of the weekend was simply that I just didn't know what to say to the kids at some points. Now it wasn't that they were asking hard questions (well, that was sometimes part of it) but rather that I was just completely unprepared for what was coming out of their mouths. On the one hand I had part of the group saying things that I'm pretty sure a drunken sailor would think were inappropriate. I would tell them to stop, I would try to change the topic, I would try to explain the reasoning behind why they shouldn't talk that way, but nothing seemed to phase them. I wasn't sure what should be done in terms of discipline and Mike seemed just as frustrated but slightly more worn down by their vulgar talk.

People have asked me a couple times since I've been in Pittsburgh if I feel "called" to Urban Ministry. Up until this past weekend I've always responded with a non-committal I-don't-feel-strongly-either-way response. Now I'm not so sure. It's not that I don't have the patience, or the intellect to work with city kids, I'm just not sure I know how to reach them. I know I can't let one frustrating weekend get me down because in the end it was a fairly good time. I'm sick of thinking about it, though, so I will hopefully talk more about it with Mike on Wednesday. Until then I will just immerse myself in the story of Nehemiah and hope God speaks through me on Wednesday in ways that make sense to the kids.